just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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