blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
