i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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