Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
