I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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