By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
