you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
