I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
