I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
