Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
