I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
