I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
your like the ambassador to my penis.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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