I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
