You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
