This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
