it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
