he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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