She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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