i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
