boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
where does the pee come out of this thing
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
