Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
