allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I faked an abortion last night.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
