I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
