she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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