he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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