Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
