every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
