somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
