Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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