Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
