is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You're like the curious george of whores
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
