TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
