Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
