areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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