I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
