On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
