I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
