I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
