Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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