This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
