my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
