Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
