I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Randomize
