I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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