Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
