Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
