literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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