I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
