Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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