last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
