now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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