Having a random hookup so left but love u
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Randomize
