YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
