cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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