its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Sober January is a disaster.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
