i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
