Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
